your history is different than mine
old bone stories
spoken in the language of bloodline
what I am now
is built upon
what came before
I come from
the land of the people
that were here first
there are bits of us in this earth
-smasayo
I have never complied with a linear life
not by choice
my gut
my rudder
has steered me steady
but never in a straight line
never the easy road
nor the path of least resistance
I prefer the scenic route
the high road
the long way home.
-Smasayo
He was ready to give me anything I’d ever wanted
A home with lots of bedrooms
Safety and security
A baby and a ring too
All he wanted in return was
My whole heart
And I
Just
Couldn’t
I could have lied
And it wouldn’t have only been a half lie
But I
Just
Couldn’t
I knew that when I said goodbye it was for good
I selfishly thought maybe he’d wait to see how it all played out
That if he meant all the words that he said
I’d have time
But he’s got a new girl
And that’s ok
He deserves to have a whole heart
Just not mine
And I’m sorry
But I did him a favor
Cause he’s gonna propose to her soon
I can feel it in my bones
I’ve seen it in my dreams
But it
Just
Couldn’t
Be
Me.
It was 4am
And you jolted from bed
Straight spine
I could hear your feverish clicks
Your wet sniffs
I knew you were crying
And I knew you just had to get the words out
When the sun came up
You read them to me
About your family farm
And the old barn owl
The most sacred land
I’ve ever step foot on
Your sleep poetry did it justice
The road trip
I should have known then
Retrospect
I’ll start by saying I loved him
Why wouldn’t I?
He was my bloodline
Our surname the same
I loved him
Until he betrayed me
Until I saw the look in his eyes that day
For months, I’d close my eyes and see his face
I kept his secret
Until he went to the grave
Now I can’t wait to get a new name
You like sun
Only brighter
Posses such resolve
Just as the sun commits to rising
You
Rise
Too
Your shine only matched by your dedication
A promise to be a better you
Today
Tomorrow
And thereafter
Too
