your history is different than mine

old bone stories

spoken in the language of bloodline

what I am now

is built upon

what came before

I come from

the land of the people

that were here first

there are bits of us in this earth

-smasayo

--

--

I have never complied with a linear life

not by choice

my gut

my rudder

has steered me steady

but never in a straight line

never the easy road

nor the path of least resistance

I prefer the scenic route

the high road

the long way home.

-Smasayo

--

--

He was ready to give me anything I’d ever wanted

A home with lots of bedrooms

Safety and security

A baby and a ring too

All he wanted in return was

My whole heart

And I

Just

Couldn’t

I could have lied

And it wouldn’t have only been a half lie

But I

Just

Couldn’t

I knew that when I said goodbye it was for good

I selfishly thought maybe he’d wait to see how it all played out

That if he meant all the words that he said

I’d have time

But he’s got a new girl

And that’s ok

He deserves to have a whole heart

Just not mine

And I’m sorry

But I did him a favor

Cause he’s gonna propose to her soon

I can feel it in my bones

I’ve seen it in my dreams

But it

Just

Couldn’t

Be

Me.

--

--

It was 4am

And you jolted from bed

Straight spine

I could hear your feverish clicks

Your wet sniffs

I knew you were crying

And I knew you just had to get the words out

When the sun came up

You read them to me

About your family farm

And the old barn owl

The most sacred land

I’ve ever step foot on

Your sleep poetry did it justice

--

--

I’ll start by saying I loved him

Why wouldn’t I?

He was my bloodline

Our surname the same

I loved him

Until he betrayed me

Until I saw the look in his eyes that day

For months, I’d close my eyes and see his face

I kept his secret

Until he went to the grave

Now I can’t wait to get a new name

--

--